New year, new calendar
A new year can mean only one thing… Easter eggs on sale in supermarkets? No, the other thing - it’s time to buy a new wall calendar.
It’s become something of a tradition for me to have a calendar on the wall in my office at home, serving as a handy reminder for upcoming birthdays and appointments. For me, the traditional format of the wall calendar has always been perfect - it doesn’t need to change and it certainly doesn’t need to offer me something new. So, please, if you would, explain this concept to me - the “16 month” calendar…
Let’s look at the case for the prosecution. A year is 12 months - it has been for several thousand years and I don’t see that changing anytime soon, even with Donald Trump in office. In addition, there is nothing wrong with the existing format of a wall calendar - it serves a great purpose, allowing me to quickly refer to upcoming events whilst displaying a nice picture for me to look at for a period of anything between 28 and 31 days.
So, why does it need to offer me something extra?
Rather madly, it’s followed the example of the toothbrush that cleans your tongue and the 48 hour deodorant (who needs a deodorant that lasts 48 hours?). The truth is this:
I don't want a 16 month calendar any more than I want a wristwatch with edible hands.
Is the fact that it has ‘16 months’ supposed to sway my opinion about buying it? Surely the content of the calendar is enough do that. I mean, calendar manufacturers seem to cater for all tastes now, so you’re surely going to be spoilt for choice? Calendars about cars, boats, cities of the world, hot guys, baby animals, hot guys with baby animals…
Clearly this particular calendar is designed to cater for the man or woman who likes hot guys and also likes baby animals. However, the manufacturer of this calendar hasn’t really gone with a comprehensive list of baby animals for their ‘13 month’ calendar. Let’s go through the list of “animals” on offer, month by month:

January: Dog February: Dog March: Cat (small - awww, how cute…) April: Dog May: Dog June: Dog July: Dog August: Dog September: Dog October: Dogs (x2) November: Dog December: Dog Extra month: Cat
A grand total, then, of 11 dogs and 2 cats. Consider that there are over a million species of animal in the world. Surely, then, the calendar should accurately be titled as “hot guys with some cats and dogs”. To be “hot guys with animals”, the photos should have been composed a little like this:
January: Hot guy with kangaroo February: Hot guy with sheep March: Hot guy with giraffe April: Hot guy with Tasseled Wobbegong (it’s a shark, apparently) etc, etc.
And that’s before we even get to the Cockchafer (beetle)…
I think you’ll agree this list would make for a far more impressive calendar, and with such an enormous list of animal species there’s potential for them to extend their calendar to 1 million months!
Where-ever you are and whatever your view, I think we can agree on one thing. Product marketers are looking for increasingly daft ways of trying to make you part with your cash for their product. And the calendar has become no exception.
May 2017 bring you 16 months of health, happiness and 2-for-1 offers on tongue-cleaning toothbrushes…