Prince George To Release His First Autobiography

    In a surprising development, Prince George, the four-year-old son of Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, has today announced the release of his first autobiography. ‘Prince George: My First 4 Years’ will focus on his struggles to be understood in modern society and reveal how the terrible twos were a crushing disappointment. It also promises to shed light on his ongoing battle with Calpol addiction.

    Child writing on paper

    In a press release issued today, the young Prince describes his book as ‘controversial’, ‘fascinating’, ‘absorbing’ and other over-dramatic, long, descriptive words too complicated for a 4-year-old to spell himself.

    Speaking via his publicist, Prince George said, “I feel the time is right, with Christmas approaching, to jump on the autobiography bandwagon. Katie Price releases at least two autobiographies every Christmas, and I’m a bloody Royal, for Christ’s sake!”

    Although many people think of Prince George as being well-mannered and quiet, he isn’t afraid to reveal parts of his dark side in his new book. Indeed, he recalls one particular conversation with a friend that made him spit his dummy out in disgust!

    In an extract from his memoirs, Prince George reveals his distaste for stereotyping and poor humour. “I’m not particularly temperamental," he says, “but I have been known to throw my toys out the pram occasionally. I recall one particular incident that happened a few months after I was born - I was out with my parents; I’d only just started to crawl at the time. A member of the public brazenly walked up to me and quipped ‘I hear you’re third in line to the throne… typical British - always queueing!’ Well, I wasn’t going to stand for that!

    Although Prince George’s autobiography contains lots of interesting revelations about his temperament, he also takes the opportunity to look forward to the future. He dreams of experiencing some very particular sporting events in his lifetime. “I’d love to see the day when the UK hosts an Olympic Games, or Manchester United wins a Premier League title,” he comments, ambitiously.

    Although the title of his autobiography might seem an obvious choice, Prince George reveals it wasn’t such a simple decision after all. “I was going to call it ‘The Misunderstood Prince’, but saw that my Grandad Charlie had already nicked that title. By calling it ‘My First 4 Years’, it allows me to release a follow-up in a few years time. By the time I get to 40, I’ll be minted! Then, all I need to do is hide my money in the Cayman Islands…”

    Always building for the future, the young Prince has an ambitious idea to attack the Christmas market again next year and is in talks to release a duet album with Gareth Gates. Plans are also in the pipeline to launch a 2018 Easter fitness video with an unknown celebrity wannabe from TOWIE and create a new fad diet involving Farley’s Rusks.

    Asked to sum up his book, Prince George said, “Everybody thinks I’m a good little boy, but what I reveal in my book will truly shock you… is that enough bait to buy the book or should I go more extreme?"

    Prince George: My First 4 Years will be published by Cobblers and Hogwash on 15 December 2017 in both hardback and eBook.

    To celebrate the release of his book, Prince George will be doing a special book signing at Waterstones in Piccadilly on Thursday 7 December. He promises to let you choose the crayon colour…

    Crayons in child's hand